So, after a very long nap yesterday, I managed to find some hidden reserve of energy to perk myself up, test and wrap the cute little birthday presents (had to make sure that they worked obviously!) and get myself to my second cousin’s 1st Birthday party.
It was a crowded house affair and my first challenge was to find somewhere to rest my achy bones. After some stilted catch-ups (it’s difficult to find much to say without work to make small talk about), I was soon handed baby Jessica, the birthday girl. The look of fear in my eyes wasn’t a fear of making her cry, or not knowing what to say to her – but a worry that I wouldn’t be able to support her wriggling weight and somehow end up dropping her or injuring her, thanks to my wonky elbow and shoulder.
Jessica was a perfect little angel though, she sat on my knee and babbled and played, fascinated with the helium balloons, and I soon forgot about my wonky arm fears. I think she is somewhat a kindred spirit, having had a tough first year herself – spent mostly in a spica cast and having surgeries for hip dysplacia, which has now been corrected thankfully.
Of course what followed were family members telling me I was a ‘natural’ and that it’d be my turn next… I smiled and went along with them, thinking it would probably spoil the mood to explain to them all the different concerns I have about the issue of children. As much as I’d love to be a mum one day, (and the thought has been on my mind more and more recently), my health provides problems at all stages in the process; from conceiving, to pregnancy, birth and child ‘rearing’, so it’s not something I can take lightly.
One day I’ll need to broach the subject and get answers to all the questions floating round my head; but, for now at least, I’m happy to have cuddles with friends and family’s babies, safe in the knowledge that I can hand them back when the going gets tough.