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It’s been almost a week since I doubled my Methotrexate dose from 7.5mg to 15mg.  I was expecting that maybe I’d feel a bit queasy again like I did when I first started it, or perhaps even worse, but I haven’t noticed any difference in that respect. Instead, I am just ever so sleepy! Even when I have been very unwell during this current flare, I have managed to stay awake all day – with the fatigue presenting as a body-wide weakness.  However, for the past few days, I have struggled to keep my eyes open once it gets to lunchtime and I just want to sleep. Trying to stay awake makes them burn and there’s no point anyway, because my brain just can’t focus on anything, which is why I haven’t managed to post as often on here.

Losing part of my day to sleep is bad enough but the ‘brain fog’ (as people call it), is even more frustrating. I’ve mentioned before how words just seem to drop out of my head and how I make silly mistakes like pouring water from the kettle over my cereal and find that I’ve put the milk away in the dishwasher… well yesterday it took a more worrying turn, when I forgot to switch the gas hob off and left it burning for about 4 hours before I noticed. Thankfully it remained lit or I could have had a major gas leak.

I’m hoping that the shock of forgetting something so vital will make me extra vigilant now, so that it won’t happen again. Also, that the ‘brain fog’ clears up after a time, as the nausea did.  But I can’t help but feel that the Methotrexate is having the opposite effect to what we hoped.  When I first started Orencia I felt like a different person, full of energy, even if the inflammation was still there; then I started on a small dose of Methotrexate and lost some of that energy and feel good factor; now, after doubling the Methotrexate,  I feel sapped of all energy. It makes me wonder how things would be if I stopped taking it and just had the Orencia – would I feel as good as I did at first?

I know it’s not the end of the world, but I’ve always said that fatigue is (most of the time) more difficult to deal with than pain – you can take pain medication to provide some relief with that, but there is nothing for fatigue. It just knocks you for six and stops you in your tracks, leaving you with no choice but to put everything on hold.

And with the New York trip around the corner, I just can’t let that happen.

For now, I’m just going to do as my body tells me and hope it’s enough to pull myself out of this sleep-hole, I guess it is working overtime to heal right now too.

Sweet dreams,

L

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