It’s the day after my first Tocilizumab infusion and I’m feeling a bit rotten but Im guessing that is more to do with the long day, sitting in uncomfortable chairs and so on, rather than the drug itself. Thankfully, there has been no further signs of reaction so I’m hoping that was just a one off.
I had an early wound care appointment at the clinic and then I planned to spend the rest of the day taking it easy, to save some energy for tomorrow. The wound is starting to close up at the ends and turn a nice shade of purple there, but is still overgranulating along one edge, meaning it is not healing as it should. Today the nurse covered it with a double pressure pad to encourage the excess tissue back where it belongs. I don’t think it is a major problem and it isn’t bothering me in anyway, but the scarring will be much neater if it stops overgranulating and heals as planned.
By the time I got back home, the postman had been and I had a letter waiting for me. Inside where two things: Firstly, a copy of the Occupational Health report on my current condition and then an appointment date for my next hearing with the Head and Human Resources – a week today.
The doctor’s report was only a paragraph long but it was still hard to take in his view of me. I’m forever trying to look on the bright side and convince myself that things aren’t that bad, so when I see things in writing from someone else, it comes as a bit of a shock. Basically, he says I suffer from severe Still’s Disease and am failing to respond to potent medications, meaning it is difficult to predict if/when the condition will be stabilised enough for me to return to work. *sigh*
Don’t get me wrong, I’m still sure that we will find a medication that will stabilise things as we have done in the past; I had a good few years with only occassional flareups and minimal joint involvement so I know it is not impossible. But, I also know that it is becoming more difficult and taking longer, and I need to allow myself that time to stabilise without feeling guilty about work.
Which brings me on to my next point: The Stage 2 Capability Hearing. I don’t know what my management is thinking about the current situation, but I imagine that they want someone to be doing my job and would rather terminate my contract than leave the situation long and drawn out. However, I’d also guess that they don’t want to risk terminating my contract in case there was some comeback from the Equality Act, (especially since I work at a SENs School). Then I’m torn between fighting for my job and feeling that I could do without the niggling guilt and added stress (like capability hearings) that come with having it right now.
Even having to think about it all is more than I want to do right now; it is so hard to make decisions and handle situations like this when you feel so flat.
Preparing For Doom, Work and Other Worries, Work Issues, Occupational Health Appointment.
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